I Am Limping… And Thats Ok
It’s been two weeks since my husband and I had a bike accident which led me to get stitches. Everyday I wake up feeling a little better and a little stronger. I can bend my leg more, stand for longer and walk farther. But I still limp. My right knee can’t bear the weight that it used to be able to bear. It was sliced open, dirt and debris went deep inside and had to be precisely cleaned, then it was stitched up. My knee is healing, binding itself back together. It needs rest, a slow walking pace and a chair to sit in. I went to a cafe for the first time since the accident, and felt uncomfortable limping to a table once I arrived there. “Every stranger who looks at me will know something is wrong with my leg” I told my friend later how awkward I felt limping around at a cafe. All the people there would know I was injured! She just laughed… because it didn’t really matter that people could see me limping. I am injured. That’s the truth. And it’s ok. I am recovering from a deep wound in a critical part of my body.
I think we sometimes take this belief on when our hearts have been deeply wounded. “I want to be ok. I want to be healed. I don’t want to limp!” We think to ourselves. We want people to know we are MORE than what happened to us, and often times, people misjudge hurting people for offended, hard hearted, ill-willed people… when they’re not… they’re recovering. Learning how to walk again. They have a limp. And that’s ok.
Every two days a nurse comes and changes my bandage and I am face to face with my wound. It’s gross looking and I really don’t enjoy seeing it. But each time she encourages me saying “It looks nice. It’s healing.” At first, it was hard for me to feel that way about my wound. For days I was updating people on the story of our accident, pulling up the picture of my stitches on my phone to show people. Each time, being reminded of the difficulty we had faced. Talking about it everyday, and bringing up the picture was too much for me. It was hard for me to eat because I would think about how “gnarly” (as my sister who’s a nurse described it) my knee currently looked. But when I wasn’t sharing the story, and seeing the picture on my phone everyday, I began to trust that what the nurse said was true: I am healing! It looks… nice!
Our heart wounds deserve the same space to heal… to be wrapped up and cared for by the Lord for a few days without us re-telling the story of how we were hurt and coming face to face with the gnarly wound that was left inside us. We need time, to rest in Gods presence as he slowly but surely heals our broken heart. And every few days he might open it up. A triggering situation or word might come into our life to help us heal. He is healing us. Our hearts are healing … and the healing looks… nice!
Lastly, Gods word has been an anchor throughout this healing process. As I rest in bed, giving the needed rest to my healing leg, the words “Jehovah Rapha” are staring right back at me hanging on our wall across from our bed. The TRUTH of the situation is practically slapping me in the face. So when I’m discouraged or wish I wasn’t limping I can remember and trust that Jehovah Rapha is healing me… and right next to that is another hanging sign that says “Jehovah Jireh” . And I am reminded of my faithful God who provided a doctor to be right there when our accident happened. He provided a clinic and an ambulance just two minutes away. He provided countless people to visit, pray, check in on and cook for us throughout the whole process. He provided finances to cover the hospitals bills. He is with me. And I’m limping. (And that’s ok.) When our hearts are healing, it is crucial to find His word that bring us hope and life during our healing process. To not re-live and re-tell the hurtful experiences over and over, but to give time for our hearts and mind to rest, in Him. Let Him open up our wounds and re-bandage it at times. To trust and know that He is with us in this. He is Jehovah Rapha, and Jehovah Jireh amidst this difficulty. And when we have to go outside, into a public space, we might limp… we don’t have to feel ashamed or awkward that we are limping … it’s ok… we are healing… we were injured… but rest assured that… He is healing us.
